Previously From The Banana

Previously From The Banana

White Guy Always Confuses Black Neighbor
With Other Black Guys

A local white guy is always confusing his black neighbor, inset, with
other black guys.

A local white guy, pictured above, is always unknowingly confusing his black neighbor of thirteen years with other black guys he sees on the streets, on TV, and in the newspaper, his honkey wife reported last Thursday.

"We were watching the Local channel 11 news [KARE 11, First in News, Last in Hygene!] last Thursday night," his wife of twenty-nine years began over a cup of coffee the other morning on what she assumed was a date, but was really just a business meeting that went much, much farther then I ever intended. "And they reported a shooting in St. Paul. They showed the picture of some black guy that got capped, and he jumped out of his chair, screaming, 'Oh my God! It's that black guy that lives next door!' He quickly made his 'widow' some fried chicken, and delivered it before I could explain he had done it again.

"He's such an ignorant bastard," she added, rubbing my thigh.

It didn't end there, as later in the news broadcast he also apparently confused his neighbor with a black man that won $10,000 in the lottery, [Boston Red Sox Designated Hitter] David Ortiz, and Al Roker, who was in a commericial advertising the following morning's NBC Today broadcast.

"It was a simple mistake," that white guy said when we confronted him on private property that we know we shouldn't have been trespassing on, but our deadline was fast approaching last night. "It's just that my black neighbor looked just like that one guy. And the other. I mean, is it really my fault?"

He then saw his neighbor out the window, and screamed, "Oh my God! It's that guy from 'Green Mile!'"

We attempted to confront his black neighbor with this scathing report, but the first guy we talked to wasn't him, and the next we asked was busy making meth, and then we thought we found him, but it was one of the Wayan's Brothers.

"Terrible reporting," editor-in-chief Kris Kenison told us as we handed this report in at the last moment. "You didn't even get a decent picture of the black guy. Just use this picture of Lou Gossett, Jr. They all look alike anyway."