Previously From The Banana

Previously From The Banana

Hostage Situation Turns Into Murder-Suicide
Curling "not-that-bad" of a sport.

While attempting to cover a murder (bottom left) it was discovered that curling
really isn't that weird of a sport. Photos by an alcoholic former auctioneer.

A hostage situation in the Skyway of Duluth, MN, which quickly and- according to several eye witnesses I talked to hours later at a local pub- sexually degenerated into a murder-suicide proved too difficult to find. With the Skyway being particularly challenging to navigate, this reporter made a wrong turn and happened upon the yearly Curling Club Pre-Teen Tournament, which I have been known to describe as "interesting."

The hostage- who was either a white female between the ages of 20 and 32, or an Asian foreign-exchange student named Shin Chee Linn- was apparently not chosen at random, or could have been. This one guy who heard about it from a friend that was there or near there at the time said he thought his friend quoted the man as saying, "I know you, and I will kill you." But that sounds stupid, so I don't think that is right.

In any case, this reporter took a left instead of a right when the map was completely not clear, and ended up in the viewing room of the Duluth Curling Club, which was in the midst of it's yearly Pre-Teen Tournament, hosting children between the ages of eight and 12 in the ancient game of Curling.

"Curling is a sport similar to bocce, played on a rectangular sheet of ice by two teams of four players each, using heavy polished granite stones which players slide down the ice towards a target area called the house," this one parent said while sipping a native drink called hot chocolate. "Points are scored for the number of stones that a team has closer to the centre of the target than the closest of the other team's stones.

"Also, I heard there was a woman murdered not too far from here," he added before cheering as his son- taking the role of the skip-released the stone before the hogline, allowing the sweepers to do whatever the hell it is they do with those brooms.

"Congratulations," editor-in-chief Kristoffer Kenison said as I proudly handed in this story. "You've managed to completely fuck-up not one, but two seperate stories. You are simply amazing.

"And by amazing," he added, "I mean retarded to the point that even the state of Texas would have a hard time justifying executing you. But I'd make sure they go through with it. I'd make sure."