Previously From The Banana

Previously From The Banana

Pope Benedict XVI Arrested . . . But Why?

The Vatican is keeping it's lips tightly sealed ever since this
mug shot of Pope Benedict XVI became public.

The Vatican is not releasing any details about the March 3rd arrest of Pope Benedict XVI, and in fact the press and rest of the world was unaware of any wrongdoing until the above mugshot was released to the known world just this morning.

"We've got to scoop this one," The Banana's editor-in-chief Kristoffer Kenison said off-the-record while peeing next to me in the upstairs urinal this morning. "I normally don't say this, but you normally do it anyway, so what the hell: make something up, but make it good.

"Um, you're suppose to use the stall for number two," he added, leaving the bathroom in disgust.

All that is known about His Holiness' arrest is the following:

-The Pope was on a goodwill mission to visit the Bishop of the Las Vegas Congregation in Las Vegas, Nevada, where he apparently wondered off from his tour group around 3p.m.
-There were several reports of a man dressed all in white running the craps table in the Sunrise Lounge for several hours, wracking up an impressive $120,000.
-A hooker was found dead in the trunk of the Popemobile, with a cross made of ash drawn on her forehead.
-Several homeless guys found themselves "baptized" in the gutter, with their wallets missing.

A phone call to Vatican City in Italy was answered after several attempts, but all this reporter could get out of the woman on the other end was: "Its-a me, the Secretary-a!"

In a press conference earlier today, the chief of the Las Vegas Police Department, Chief David Hampton, did admit that Pope Benedict XVI did spend the night in a Las Vegas jail cell, but would not say what for, or why he was released immediately at sunrise. All he would say on the subject was that it was "nice to know that I'll get into heaven, no questions asked."

He then shot a stray dog and peed in a lady's hair.

"This is what I get for telling you to lie," my editor-in-chief said as he read this being typed over my shoulder. "Although I am impressed that you actually called someone in Vatican City. I mean, to the best of my knowledge, that is actually how Italians talk, so it must be true."

Kenison then wept.