Letter To The Editor

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Another Letter To The Editor

Every now and then, Editor-in-Chief- Kristoffer Kenison- will
respond to a random question sent from a random reader.

Mr. Kristoffer Kenison:

This is your second and FINAL warning: if you do not make the minimum payment of $112.98 by February 2nd, 2007, we will be forced to turn off your heat, and your outstanding balance will be forwarded to a collection agency.

We believe that we have been more then fair with you. Your account is currently 90 days deliquent. If you fail to comply with this statement we will take legal action against your person.

If you have any questions regarding this bill, please contact us right away at (763) 263-2639.

We thank you for your prompt response, and look forward to supplying you with your heat and gas needs for many years to come.

Sincerely,
Herr Hitler's Family Heating and Gas
Locally Owned and Operated since 2005.
No, Not That Hitler. The Good One. The One That Heats Your Home.

_______________________________________________

-Kristoffer Kenison's Response:

The check is in the mail! (By check, I mean machete. By mail I mean fist.) Let me explain:

I will soon be arriving at the home offices of Herr Hitler's Family Heating and Gas (HHFHG). Once there I will punch your receptionist, then slash her. Punch and slash, punch and slash, punch and slash, all the way to the top. Then, once I'm at the top, I'll burn the place to the ground. I will then use this big burlap sack to steal all your gas. Heating and gas problems solved.

See there, I don't need you or any other evil energy conglomerates, I've got murder on my side!

P.S. The only good Hitler is a dead Hitler. Unless, of course, the Hitler is an undead Hitler, in which case we're all screwed!

Got a question for Editor-In-Chief Kristoffer Kenison? Click here.